But Are They Actually Ignoring You?

(Summary) When you repeatedly attempt to communicate with another alter or part and receive no response, it’s understandable to wonder whether they’re intentionally ignoring you. However, a lack of response doesn’t necessarily mean that another part is unwilling to communicate. They may be responding in ways you don’t recognize, they may be unable to respond directly, or something within the system may be interfering with communication. Before concluding that another part is deliberately ignoring you, it’s worth considering these three possibilities.

A member recently submitted a question asking how to handle an alter who was intentionally ignoring them. This got me to thinking and I realized that the first step is to determine if the other alter or part is intentionally ignoring you. It might seem like an obvious conclusion since, after all, they are not responding to your attempts to communicate. I want to talk about three other possibilities that should be ruled out first.

They are responding, but you aren’t aware of it

One real possibility is that the other part IS responding to you, but in a different manner than you are expecting. If you talk to them in your head, it’s understandable that you might be expecting an audible answer in your head. Some parts communicate in nonverbal ways such as bodily sensations, images, emotions, impulses, or thoughts that don’t seem like “your” thoughts.

They may not be able to respond

Communication isn’t always two-way. The other alter may be able to hear you just fine but be unable to respond directly. This is an example of one-way communication and it can seem like they are ignoring you. If you believe this may be the problem, you might want to see if there is a system member who can communicate with both you and the other part. If so, this 3rd party can act as a go-between, bringing you responses from the other part.

Something may be interfering with communication

It’s possible that a gatekeeper or other protector may be preventing communication. For example, this can happen when they believe you are attempting to talk about something forbidden. It may also happen if they believe you or some other part of the system could become dysregulated by the conversation.

Sometimes, they really ARE ignoring you

Sometimes, the other alter really IS ignoring you. Once you’ve ruled out the other possibilities and concluded that the other part is intentionally not responding to you, what do you do? In two Coaching Connection pieces in the free CommuniDID membership, I walk you through how to look for clues about why they may not be responding and what you can do to address the problem. The links will be in the description.

For More Information

• ⭐ What Do I Do About an Alter Who Actively Ignores Me?
• ⭐ How to Determine Why Another Part Isn’t Responding to You
• ⭐ What To Do When An Alter Won’t Communicate With You
• In Focus: Why a Part of Your System Refuses to Communicate

Frequently Asked Questions

Why won’t another alter respond when I try to communicate?

There are several possible explanations. Another alter may be responding in a way you don’t recognize, may be unable to communicate directly with you, or may be experiencing interference from another part of the system. Sometimes, a part may also intentionally choose not to respond.

Can alters communicate without using words?

Yes. Internal communication doesn’t always involve hearing another part speak. Some parts communicate through emotions, bodily sensations, images, impulses, or thoughts that may not initially be recognized as communication.

Can one alter hear another without being able to respond?

Yes. Communication between parts isn’t always reciprocal. One alter may be able to hear another but have difficulty responding directly. In some systems, another part who can communicate with both may be able to help relay messages.

Can a gatekeeper prevent alters from communicating?

In some systems, a gatekeeper or protector may interfere with communication between parts. This may happen when they believe a conversation could reveal information that needs to remain inaccessible or cause distress or dysregulation.

What should I do if another alter is intentionally ignoring me?

If you’ve considered other explanations and believe another part is intentionally avoiding communication, the next step is to explore why. Understanding their concerns, boundaries, or reasons for not responding may help you identify a more productive approach.

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