Your Alters Might be Mad at You!
(Summary) When you’re living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), it can be confusing or even upsetting to realize that some of your alters seem angry at you—even when you feel you’ve done nothing wrong. In truth, there are often understandable reasons for their frustration rooted in survival, protection, and unmet needs. In this article, we’ll explore five common reasons alters may feel upset, how their perspectives differ from yours, and gentle ways to begin rebuilding trust inside your system.
Did you know your alters might be mad at you even if you think you have done nothing that should have angered them? Let’s take a look at five possible reasons.
- Have you ignored them? If you have been denying that you might have DID, you likely also denied hearing your alters speaking to you. And if that’s the case, it’s possible you’ve also ignored some needs they have expressed.
- Have you acknowledged how they have helped you? I can hear some of you now: “Thank them? Helping me? They’ve turned my life upside down! Why would I thank them?” That attitude is understandable from your point of view, but consider it from theirs. That attitude dismisses them and says they are nothing but an unwanted nuisance.
Now let’s look at it from their perspective. From their perspective, they suffered horrific abuse so you didn’t have to. They may have had to do things no one would want to do or make decisions that no one would want to make, and they did it to protect you and the rest of the system. They hold memories so you don’t have to deal with the effects of the abuse and the memories. Their suffering allowed you to live a fairly normal life unaware of what was really going on.
And some of the events that you might resent them for, the things that add a sense of chaos to your life like being told you got angry at someone when you don’t remember it, were actions your alters took in what they believed was for the welfare of you and the system. For example, if they determined that someone was taking advantage of you, a strong, angry alter might switch to the front to handle the issue. Unfortunately, the way they chose to handle it might have created more difficulties for you, so you not only don’t find the action helpful, but you resent it and might even wish they’d go away, which leads to the next reason.
- Have you wished the other alters would disappear, go away, die, or leave you alone? If I know a person is thinking that way about me, it’s not going to make me feel warm and fuzzy about them and I doubt you would appreciate it, either. If you’ve had thoughts like these or said things like this to the other alters, they may be angry about it. Again, from your perspective the alters may be unwanted and intrusive and your frustration and anger are understandable. But so is the response of the alters to your reaction.
- Do you believe you are the “real” person the body belongs to? Do you believe that you are more real and valid than any of the alters? From their perspectives, they are equally as real and valid. Of course they aren’t going to like it when you see them as lesser or as annoyances. You wouldn’t like it if you were in their shoes, with someone else hosting and thinking you weren’t as real and important as they are.
- Do you look down on some of your alters? Do you judge them for things they experienced or were forced to do? Again, members of your system protected you from awful experiences and memories. They suffered so you did not have to. To then judge them for doing what they had to in order to survive shows a lack of appreciation for what they’ve been through. I’m sure if the situation was reversed, you’d be angry, too!
It makes so much sense that you view the system through your perspective. It’s the perspective you have! But it can help to remember that the others in your system have their own perspectives, as well, and ignoring them can lead to hard feelings.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why might my alters be angry with me if I haven’t done anything wrong?
Alters often hold memories, pain, or responsibilities you haven’t consciously experienced. From their perspective, being ignored, dismissed, or unacknowledged can feel like betrayal—even if you didn’t intend harm. Understanding their experiences helps reduce resentment and build cooperation.
How can ignoring my alters affect our system?
When alters feel unheard or denied, they may feel isolated or invalidated, which can increase inner conflict. Even if you’re unsure about DID, acknowledging their presence and needs can improve trust. Small gestures of recognition can go a long way toward calming tension inside.
Why is it important to thank or acknowledge my alters?
Many alters endured trauma or took on painful roles to protect you. When you thank them, you’re recognizing their suffering and sacrifice, which validates their existence. This simple act can soften resentment and open a path toward mutual respect.
What happens if I think I’m “the real person” and my alters aren’t?
Seeing yourself as “the real one” while viewing others as less valid can deepen division within your system. Alters typically experience themselves as just as real as you do. Treating them as equal parts of the system fosters trust and reduces internal hostility.
How can I start improving my relationship with angry alters?
Begin by shifting from judgment to curiosity—ask yourself what their anger might be protecting or expressing. Practice small acknowledgments, thank them for their efforts, and avoid dismissing their reality. These gentle steps help build a foundation of internal cooperation and healing.