Why Healing from Trauma Can Feel Messy (and Why That’s Normal)
(Summary) Many people expect healing from trauma to follow a smooth, predictable path — steady progress, clear milestones, and visible improvement over time. In reality, healing is often uneven and messy. There may be periods of forward movement followed by setbacks, pauses, or unexpected turns. When recovery doesn’t look the way people imagine it should, it’s easy to assume something is wrong or that healing isn’t possible. This article reframes that experience, explaining why a messy healing process is not a failure but a common and normal part of trauma recovery.
I keep an image at my desk that I want to share with you.
So here it is. What people imagine happens with success and what success actually looks like. It’s all kinds of messy, like tangled yarn. Efforts move forward, and then move back, sometimes going sideways. But, ultimately, success is achieved. Then there’s what people see from the outside, which looks like smooth, easy success. What may appear to be an “overnight success” often is the end result of years of efforts leading up to it.
I’m here to talk about healing from trauma, not achieving success, but I believe the principle is the same. Many people have the idea that healing from trauma is a smooth, orderly progression rather than the messy, unpredictable journey it often is. If you expect the smooth, predictable path for recovery but get the messy path, you may think something is wrong. You might think you’re not doing something right or conclude that it’s not possible for you to heal. In both cases, those beliefs are likely not accurate.
So for today, I just want you to know that the “messy” healing journey is normal. In a coming video, I’ll explain why this is.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is trauma healing supposed to be messy?
Yes. Trauma recovery is often nonlinear, with progress, setbacks, and pauses that are part of how nervous systems adapt and integrate change.
Why doesn’t healing feel like steady progress?
Healing involves learning safety, regulation, and trust over time. Different layers of trauma may surface at different points, which can change how progress looks.
Does going backward mean I’m failing at healing?
No. What feels like moving backward is often a sign that your system is responding to new challenges, stressors, or deeper material — not that recovery is failing.
Why does healing look easier from the outside?
People usually see outcomes, not the years of effort, setbacks, and internal work that preceded them. Healing, like success, often appears smoother from the outside than it feels internally.
Can believing healing should be smooth cause problems?
Yes. Expecting a linear process can increase shame, self-blame, or hopelessness when recovery feels chaotic, even though that experience is common and expected.
What should I do if healing feels overwhelming or confusing?
Understanding that messiness is normal can reduce pressure. Support, pacing, and safety — rather than forcing progress — often help healing continue more sustainably.