What If I Don’t Want to Heal?
(Summary) What if you don’t want to heal? That question can feel uncomfortable to ask, especially in spaces where healing is often assumed to be the goal. But hesitation around healing isn’t unusual, and it often has important reasons behind it. For some, “healing” may feel like loss. For others, it may feel like stepping into the unknown without a clear sense of safety. This post explores why someone might not want to pursue healing — at least not right now — and why that position can make sense, especially in the context of dissociation and survival.
“What if I don’t want to heal?” That what someone who watched one of my Shorts about healing asked me recently. And I’m glad they did because it’s an important question. My first thought was that I wished I could ask them what healing means to them. If it means being forced into final fusion and that’s not what they want, then the question totally makes sense. For a system who is communicating and cooperating, final fusion might be experienced as a real loss. Long-time companions who’ve been through so much with you and understand more than anyone else ever will, are suddenly gone. Headspace gets quiet. Some systems don’t like this idea at all.
So one place to start is: what does healing mean to you?
Some people might be hesitant about healing because healing means change, and the unknown has the potential to be dangerous. When I talk about this with clients, I tell them it makes sense that change can be scary. However crappy the present is, it’s a known crappy. You know how to cope with it. Change might be good, but what if it’s not? It makes sense to be cautious about change.
My other reaction was this: I don’t see how anyone can make you heal if you don’t want to. I can see how people might TRY to make you heal, but I just don’t see them being successful if you aren’t open to it yourself. That’s important.
If you are asking, “What if I don’t want to heal?” I’m assuming you have a really good reason for your position on the issue.
I talk a lot about healing and most of the time it’s assumed that people watching my videos or reading my blog posts want to heal. I think it’s important to talk about the times when people may not want to, or they don’t want to right now. Please know that even though I focus on healing, you get to decide if you want to or when. You’re still welcome here regardless of what you decide.
You Get to Choose Your Pace
Healing is not something that can be forced, and hesitation often reflects real concerns about safety, change, or loss.
If you’d like to better understand why healing can feel complicated or even risky at times, you can read more here:
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