To stop making a hard moment harder, take a look at what you are telling yourself. Hard moments often become even harder when you talk to yourself like this:
- harsh or self-critical messages (“This is your fault!” “You should have known better!”)
- messages that increase fear (“What if I can’t survive this?”)
- messages that increase shame or pressure (“You’ve never been good enough” or “Everything is going to fall apart if you mess up!”)
Instead of throwing fuel onto the fire by talking to yourself in unhelpful ways, try acknowledging the situation:
- “This is really hard.”
- “I don’t like this.”
- “It makes sense that I am struggling right now.”
- “This is painful.”
If you are up to it, you might add a realistic but true part to the statement, such as:
- “This is really hard. I’ve survived hard things before.”
- “I don’t like this but I can get through it.”
- “It makes sense that I am struggling right now. I can get through this.”
- “This is painful, but I can survive painful moments.”
This page is part of the Why Slowing Down Can Help Trauma Healing Move Forward section of the CommuniDID site, which explains how respecting limits, pacing emotional work, and reducing demand can protect long-term healing capacity.
Explore more:
- Questions about Stabilizing and Slowing Down to Heal Trauma
- Increasing predictability can help reduce strain on a dissociative system. You can explore simple ways to build predictability here: Creating Predictability for Your Dissociative System.
- Use this Self-Regulation Exercise to increase your ability to handle the difficult emotions in this situation.
- If you’d like more ideas of how to talk to yourself in a more accurate and helpful way without toxic positivity, see From Self Criticism to Healing: The Power of Neutral Self-Talk.
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