System communication is an often misunderstood subject. Many people with DID or dissociative systems believe they should be able to communicate internally easily and clearly. The reality is that for many people living with dissociative systems, communication develops gradually. It also often looks different than people expect, resulting in them potentially missing actual communication from their system.
What “communication” actually means in dissociative systems
While many people expect to hear speech, system communication can happen in multiple forms. Especially early in recovery, system communication is often indirect. Following are several examples of forms of system communication:
• body sensations
• emotions
• urges
• repeated thoughts or intrusive thoughts
• images in the mind’s eye
Although it may be odd to think of urges or body sensations as attempts to communicate, they are. You might think of them as trying to tell you part of a story.
Why communication is often limited or blocked
Dissociative systems were designed to limit awareness and sharing of information. This separation developed because unrestricted sharing could be overwhelming or unsafe for parts whose role depended on not knowing certain experiences. Not all members of the system can know everything about the system and do their jobs. There is a real possibility that communication that includes information certain parts shouldn’t have can cause serious consequences. For instance, a part may become overwhelmed by the information they’d been unaware of and not be able to function as usual within the system. It’s one overwhelmed alter, but it can affect the entire system.
There are other reasons communication can be difficult. Because of the nature of dissociative systems, there is often distrust or even hostility between some members of the system. This may be within the internal system or it may be between you and some of the members of the system.
Not all alters are able to speak, which complicates communication. Some parts are mute. Others are pre-verbal. That is, they are babies who haven’t learned to talk yet. While you can talk to these parts, in order to receive information from them, other forms of communication will need to be developed.
A final reason that can make communication difficult is the differences in the system members themselves. They are different ages, have different roles, and have different understandings of the present. Some alters don’t realize it is the present and still believe they are living in traumatic circumstances.
It’s important to note that difficulty communicating, especially early on, is not unusual and it doesn’t mean communication will always be difficult. It’s also not a sign of resistance. It’s likely, especially at the beginning, that a lack of responses has to do with communication difficulties and not opposition. Assuming difficulty first helps prevent unnecessary internal conflict.
What actually helps communication improve over time
Think of the following as working together to create a foundation that improves the likelihood of communication:
• Help the alters you want to communicate with to feel safe. Feeling pressured to communicate is the opposite of feeling safe.
• Approach communication attempts without expectations about how or when communication “should” happen.
• Being consistent in when and how you attempt communication can help. See the blog posts about how to implement a daily system meeting, one of the powerful practices for improving communication.
• Some parts may not be ready to communicate with you at this time. Respecting that is part of how everyone in the system begins to feel safe, making communication more likely. Another boundary to respect is that of content: if an alter tells you they don’t want to talk about a particular topic or that they can’t, you will have the best communication if you respect that boundary instead of pushing against it.
In some cases, communication may also feel safer when supported by a therapist, though therapy is not required for communication to improve.
What often makes communication harder
Many of the following are mindsets that can contribute to communication problems:
• Trying to force contact or demand answers • Interpreting silence as refusal or defiance • Treating parts as problems to solve • Assuming communication must be clear, verbal, or immediate • Comparing your system to others’ experiences
Some final thoughts
Communication may be inconsistent at first, and that’s to be expected. Nonverbal forms of communication are valid forms of communication but may take some practice to use effectively. You already have the key requirement for communication: awareness of the others. Without awareness, there could be no communication. You cannot go wrong if you focus on consistency and safety and on respecting any boundaries alters have about communication. These efforts help build trust.
Related Resources:
If you’d like gentle, optional support as you explore system communication, the following free resources may be helpful:
System Communication Cheat Sheet
A one-page guide to recognizing different ways parts communicate (such as feelings, sensations, images, or actions) and how to respond with curiosity and care.
Daily System Meeting Starter Guide
A gentle guide to beginning a daily internal check-in, even if no one responds at first. Includes encouragement, practical tips, and simple scripts to support consistency and safety.