Getting More of What’s Going Right

(Summary) Progress within a DID or OSDD system can be surprisingly easy to miss. Problems naturally demand attention, while moments when parts communicate, cooperate, try a new strategy, or respond differently may pass almost unnoticed. Learning to recognize and acknowledge these small changes can make progress more visible and help your system identify what is working. Even when a change isn’t perfect, noticing the effort behind it can support continued communication and cooperation.

If you had to guess, which do you think your system focuses on more: the problems within the system or the things that are going well?

Problems naturally attract attention

Often, whether it’s within systems or in relationships with others in our lives, disruptive or problematic interactions are the ones that get attention. And that makes sense. Problems get attention because they interrupt whatever was going on. When things are going well and parts are helping each other, it can be much less noticeable.

Acknowledge what you notice

Sometimes, progress is easy to overlook. A part who quietly jumps in to fill a need may go unnoticed because the problem that otherwise would have occurred didn’t happen. In other cases, the changes may be noticed but it may not occur to anyone to thank another system member. For example, if a protector is quick to front in situations that might involve holding a boundary but they hold off to let you attempt to handle it, that’s important. This is something worth acknowledging. You might want to say something like, “Hey, I really appreciate that you gave me a chance to handle the situation. I know you are used to doing that but I’m trying to get better at it.” You could say that even if that protector eventually did jump in at some point. That wasn’t the plan but they still gave you a chance. When they thought you were struggling, they intervened. That is still progress even if it wasn’t perfect. It’s still worth acknowledging and celebrating.

Look for small changes in a useful direction

It can be challenging to identify changes worth highlighting, especially because in many cases they might be small changes. Look for changes that move the system in a positive direction. This might mean small changes that move the system to:

• Better communication
• Increased cooperation
• Greater flexibility
• Earlier communication of needs/distress
• Attempts to use new strategies
• Movement toward shared or individual goals

Start with agreed changes

You might also find it easier to start with changes that your system has discussed. If you and that protector had discussed that they jump in because you haven’t been good at holding boundaries and you explained that you were ready to practice this skill now, this would be a place to look for improvements. Perhaps the protector watches while you attempt to hold the boundary. Maybe they even coach you while you front. Afterward, it is good to acknowledge their efforts to work with you.

Benefits of noticing what is going well

When you acknowledge a positive change by another part of your system, you make it more likely that this helpful change will happen again. Importantly, it helps others in the system recognize what is working. This can also make small progress visible instead of going unnoticed. And perhaps most importantly, everyone likes to have their efforts noticed and appreciated. Over time, noticing these efforts may also support greater cooperation and communication: when efforts at working together are noticed and appreciated, system members have more reason to keep trying.

Getting Started

Start small. Rather than trying to notice everything, pick one small thing that your system or parts of your system are doing that are different and helpful. Then, when you notice it, acknowledge it. Let them know that you saw the effort they made, even if it wasn’t perfect.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I tell if my DID system is making progress?

This is the strongest one. It lets you reinforce that progress can include small changes in communication, cooperation, flexibility, awareness of needs, or attempts to respond differently—even when the eventual outcome still isn’t what you hoped for.

Does progress in DID have to mean fewer switches or less dissociation?

I like this because people may use symptom reduction as their primary yardstick. It gives you room to say that improved cooperation, communication, and how parts respond to one another can also represent meaningful progress.

What if a part tries something different but eventually returns to their old behavior?

This one fits the article extremely well and ties directly into your protector example. Trying something different for 30 seconds before reverting is different from never trying it at all. The eventual outcome doesn’t erase the change that occurred along the way.

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