Have You Talked About System Privacy?

(Summary) When you’re working toward better communication and cooperation within a DID or OSDD system, you may focus on sharing information, making decisions together, and respecting one another’s needs. But have you considered how your system handles privacy? Information about one part may not be something another part feels comfortable sharing. Discussing privacy boundaries before difficult situations arise can help your system develop agreements that respect individual parts while supporting trust and cooperation.

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When people talk about improving system communication and cooperation, privacy may not be one of the first things that comes to mind. But it can be worth discussing what information about your system you are collectively comfortable sharing with people outside it.

Some information involves more than you

Of course you get to decide when you disclose information about yourself in your conversations, but what about when the conversation involves other members of your system? And what about when another alter is fronting and ends up sharing something that involves you? There is an important question here: Is this solely my information to share?

Talk about privacy before you need an answer

You can prevent a lot of anxiety and pressure by discussing the privacy issue as a system before you need the answer. Otherwise, you’ll be scrambling in the moment to try to balance responding to another person and respecting the system’s privacy.

Some questions that may help your system develop its privacy policy include:

• What are we generally comfortable sharing?
• What do we want kept within the system?
• Are there things we’re comfortable telling certain people but not others?
• Is there information we want someone to check about before sharing?
• Are there circumstances in which our usual boundaries change?

Now, this might make it seem like you need a five page document when you’re done discussing this, but it doesn’t have to be that complicated. Some broad agreements about what is okay and what should require permission to share can go a long way.

Your boundaries may be different from another system’s

As you think about the boundaries your system wants for personal information, you may notice that it’s different from other systems. For instance, perhaps another system is comfortable answering when people ask who’s fronting but your system may decide it doesn’t want to answer that question. The important thing is that your system decides what works for it even if that is different from other systems.

Privacy can be part of internal trust

Having an agreed upon set of rules for how everyone handles system information can be important for furthering trust within the system. Imagine this: a part of your system revealed that they carry some really graphic trauma memories and you’re the part sitting in the therapy session. That trauma-holding alter may be anxious the entire session, afraid you’ll say something. In fact, you might wonder why you’re feeling anxious for no apparent reason. But if your system had the rule that whoever was fronting would ask the part involved before sharing their personal information, even in therapy, the other parts of your system would be able to share more freely, knowing that their information will go no further without their permission. It’s another way of having each other’s backs and handling life as a team effort.

Problems implementing system privacy guidelines

As I wrote this, I was making a list of questions I could easily see arising when systems start talking about this. I’ve addressed those in the Coaching Connection section of the free membership at CommuniDID.com

⭐ Coaching Connection

What if your system can’t communicate in a way that allows for group decisions about what is shared and what is kept private? Are there guidelines that might help you?

What if your system hasn’t figured this out yet and a topic comes up in a conversation? How do you handle it?

What if, after talking about it, you want to change how you’ve been handling it? What if you worry that people will be surprised or unhappy if you change how much you share with them?

Other possible questions:

• What if different alters have different privacy preferences?
• What if I can’t communicate with everyone who might be affected?
• What if we’ve already been sharing information and someone now wants it kept private?
• What if someone outside the system expects information we’ve decided not to share?
• What information should require checking first versus being covered by standing agreements?
• What happens when privacy conflicts with safety or something genuinely needs to be disclosed?

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Frequently Asked Questions

Should alters agree on what information can be shared outside the system?

Discussing privacy expectations can help reduce misunderstandings and conflicts within a DID or OSDD system. Some information may be comfortable for everyone to share, while other information may involve individual parts who want a say in whether it is disclosed.

Can sharing another alter’s information affect system trust?

Yes. If a part worries that personal information will be disclosed without their permission, they may become less comfortable sharing it internally. Establishing and respecting privacy agreements can help create conditions in which parts feel safer communicating.

Does a DID system need formal privacy rules?

Not necessarily. Privacy agreements don’t have to be complicated or written into a lengthy document. Broad understandings about what can be shared, what should remain private, and when permission is needed may be sufficient.

Do alters have to tell other people who’s fronting?

No. A system can decide whether it wants to identify who’s fronting and under what circumstances. Different systems may have different preferences, and those boundaries can vary depending on the person or situation.

 

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