Gray Is the Color of Progress

(Summary) When you’re working toward greater cooperation within your DID or OSDD system, it can be easy to measure progress by whether a problem has disappeared. But meaningful changes may happen long before you reach your goal. A protector may still take over in a difficult situation, for example, even as communication, collaboration, and trust are improving. Learning to recognize these smaller changes can help you see progress that might otherwise go unnoticed.

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When you’re working on changing something in your system, it can be easy to see progress in black and white.

Black is where you are now: This is a problem.

White is the goal: This is no longer a problem.

But if those are the only two things you’re looking for, you can miss a lot of progress. Because gray is the color of progress.

An example

Imagine Avery wants to start handling boundary issues themselves. Right now, whenever it looks like a boundary might need to be set or held, a protector immediately fronts and handles the situation.

Avery’s eventual goal is to handle these situations themselves, with the protector remaining available if needed.

But they don’t have to get there in one step.

Maybe at first, the protector still takes over exactly as before—but afterward, they talk with Avery about why they intervened, and Avery shares how they might have handled it.

From the outside, nothing has changed. The protector still took over.

But internally, something important has changed. Avery is now part of the process.

Eventually, perhaps the protector starts checking with Avery before taking over. Avery sometimes handles the boundary themselves while the protector remains nearby.

That’s still not the final goal. Sometimes the protector may even revert to automatically taking over.

But compare that to where they started.

Find the hidden progress

If the only question you’re asking is, “Is this still a problem?”, all of those stages can look like failure.

Instead, look for what’s changing within the problem.

Progress doesn’t always look like going from black to white.

Sometimes it looks like one shade of gray becoming a little lighter.

If you’d like to identify the stepping stones between where your system is now and where you’d like to be, I have two videos and some additional resources in CommuniDID’s free membership. I’ll put the link in the description.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How can I tell if my DID system is making progress?

Look for changes in how your system handles situations, even when the eventual outcome remains the same. For example, parts may begin communicating about a problem, considering one another’s perspectives, or allowing more participation in decisions. These changes can represent meaningful progress toward greater cooperation.

Does it mean I’m losing progress if an alter goes back to an old behavior?

Not necessarily. Progress doesn’t always happen in a straight line. A protector who has begun allowing another part to handle certain situations may occasionally return to automatically taking over. Rather than evaluating progress based on a single incident, consider whether the overall pattern of communication, cooperation, or behavior is changing.

Why is it important to recognize small changes during DID healing?

If you evaluate progress only by whether a problem has disappeared, you may overlook improvements that are moving your system toward its goals. Recognizing smaller changes can help you identify what’s working, appreciate the effort your system is making, and build on the progress you’ve already achieved.

 

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