I’ve realized that I may be treating other parts of my system in some of the same ways I was treated growing up. I’ve ignored their needs, prioritized other people over them, and thought mostly about how their needs affected me. I want to repair the damage, but I’m afraid that if I open up communication, I’ll have to face how angry they are with me. How do I start making this right?
As painful as this realization may be for you, I want to celebrate it for this one reason: you cannot change that which you are unaware of. Now that you are aware of this, you are in a position to work on changing and repairing the situation.
It is understandable that you are anxious about potentially being confronted by the anger of other members in your system. Let me ask you this: does refusing to communicate with them improve the situation, or does it simply worsen it?
Yes, some of your alters or parts may be angry with you. It seems like you are aware that they may have valid reasons for their anger. When you imagine your system communicating their anger to you, what is distressing about it? Obviously, it’s not pleasant to have someone angry at us. But beyond that, are you afraid of what they will say, of how you might feel guilty or ashamed, or are you worried you won’t know how to respond?
So, how do you start making it right? If you and I were in a session together, I would encourage you to start by sharing with them your realization and your desire to make the situation right. You would want to use your words, of course, but it might sound something like this….
In the full answer, you’ll also learn:
- How to begin repairing relationships with other parts, even without their forgiveness or cooperation.
- How to approach other parts when you’re afraid of their anger.
- How to prepare yourself for a potentially difficult conversation with your system.
- What to consider when deciding when and how to discuss other parts’ feelings about your behavior.
- What comes after acknowledging that you’ve hurt other members of your system.
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