Doubts About Having DID/OSDD
(Summary) One of the most common doubts people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or OSDD face is: “How could I have DID if I don’t remember the trauma?” The truth is, the brain stores traumatic events differently than ordinary experiences. This post explains why trauma memories often aren’t clear, how body and emotion memories work, and why the absence of verbal memories does not mean the absence of trauma.
Many times, people who are experiencing symptoms of DID or OSDD question themselves and doubt that it could really be happening because of a lack of clear memories. People will wonder how they could have DID if they don’t have memories of trauma. Trauma ought to be hard to forget, right? Well, not exactly.
The Brain Remembers Traumatic Events Differently
The brain’s normal processes of storing memories is highly impaired or even turned off completely during a trauma. That means, you may have no memory at all or only bits and pieces of fuzzy memories that you can’t really explain the way you could a regular memory. However, these are not the only kinds of memories we have. We also have nonverbal memories. These are body memories and emotion memories. While you may not remember the man grabbing you in a conscious way, you may have a body memory that causes you to feel hands on your body even though you can see no one is touching you in the moment. That alone can make you feel a little bit crazy!
Absence of Memories Does Not Prove Absence of Trauma
People who don’t have specific memories of traumatic events they can point to worry they might be making up the whole DID thing. Or they worry that they might be going crazy. In my free course at the CommuniDID website, I address these worries in detail. You’ll find the link in the description of this video. But my point right here is that absence of clear memories is not proof that nothing happened and therefore you don’t need to question your sanity or whether you are imagining things. When you know where to look for the other kinds of memories, the nonverbal memories, you may find that you’re actually remembering quite a lot. Those nonverbal memories are evidence of trauma, just not the kind of evidence you’ve been looking for. The nonverbal body memories are kind of like forensic evidence. Not in the legal sense but in the sense of being evidence that you may have to look carefully for in order to see it. If you want to know more about these kinds of memories, I’ll be starting a four-part series next Friday. Subscribe to make sure you don’t miss it!
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have to remember trauma clearly to have DID?
No. Many people with DID or OSDD don’t have clear, story-like memories of their trauma. The way the brain functions during trauma often blocks or fragments memory storage.
What kinds of trauma memories exist besides verbal ones?
In addition to narrative memories, trauma can be stored as body memories (sensations in the body) and emotion memories (intense feelings with no obvious cause). These are known as nonverbal or implicit memories.
Why does the brain store trauma differently?
During trauma, the brain’s normal memory systems often shut down. This protects survival in the moment but disrupts the creation of clear, accessible memories later.
If I don’t remember trauma, does that mean I’m making it up?
Not at all. Lack of clear memories is common in DID and OSDD. Nonverbal memories—like body sensations or emotional reactions—can serve as evidence of trauma even if you can’t recall events in detail.
How can I work with nonverbal trauma memories?
Start by noticing triggers and body sensations that don’t seem to “fit” the present moment. These can point to stored trauma. A trauma-informed therapist can help you work with these safely.
Is it normal to doubt yourself if you don’t remember?
Yes. Many survivors feel like they’re “crazy” or imagining things. Understanding how trauma memories work can ease this self-doubt and validate your experiences.