You Didn’t Mess Up: You Had a Human Moment
(Summary) We all have moments that spike shame — a mistake, a lapse in memory, or something we wish we could take back. In this post, I share a story from early in my practice about an ADHD slip that taught me an unexpected self-compassion tool: the idea of a “human moment.” It’s a simple phrase, but it can soften shame, reconnect you to your humanity, and offer a kinder way to meet yourself when things don’t go right.
When I had just set up my private practice — and had a very empty appointment book — I had a collision with my ADHD. I forgot a client appointment.
Normally, my inner critic would have had a field day. But this time, because of the self-compassion studying I’d been doing, I had a very different reaction. I said to myself, “Well, I just had a human moment.”
What I meant was: I had just proven, in a way that felt awful in the moment, that I was certainly not perfect — and that meant I belonged to a very large crowd of fellow imperfectionists. So now, when I make a mistake that really bothers me, I remind myself: This is a human moment.
Why is that important? Because it’s one of the three components of self-compassion that Dr. Kristin Neff describes.
When we feel shame or embarrassment — which is what I felt initially — our instinct is often to withdraw, to hide. But when we remember that almost everyone experiences shame, embarrassment, pain, and longing, we can stay connected to humanity instead of pulling away.
Someone else’s moment might be bigger or smaller than mine, or about something completely different — but the emotions are universal.
So now, instead of withdrawing, I try to let myself have human moments — sometimes more often than I’d like!
And I invite you to try it, too. The next time you feel like you’ve failed at something, take a breath and say, “This is a human moment.” And it’s okay to add, “It doesn’t feel very good,” if you want. We don’t do toxic positivity here.
See if that small bit of kindness helps you feel just a little more connected — to yourself, and to everyone else who’s learning right alongside you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this a way to practice self-compassion?
Yes — recognizing a “human moment” is a form of self-compassion, especially the shared humanity component described by Dr. Kristin Neff. It helps interrupt shame and reconnect you to the idea that everyone struggles.
How does shared humanity help with shame?
Shame makes us want to hide or isolate. Remembering that others experience similar emotions reduces that isolation and makes it easier to stay connected and grounded.
Can this approach help people who are hard on themselves?
Yes — especially people with strong inner critics. Naming the moment as “human” softens the self-attack and creates space for compassion instead of criticism.