The #1 Behavior That Keeps DID Going
(Summary) Two core factors keep Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) in place: conflict and avoidance. Conflict between alters can block cooperation and stall recovery, even when the system shares a desire to heal. Avoidance—especially the phobia of traumatic memories and the parts that hold them—was once a survival necessity but becomes a major barrier in adulthood. Understanding how conflict and avoidance operate can shed light on why DID persists and what healing requires.
There are two factors that maintain DID. The first is conflict. When alters are in conflict with each other, it’s difficult if not impossible, to make progress. Even if the system is largely in agreement on wanting to recover, there may be significant disagreement in the system on what needs to be done or how to do the work of recovery. There might be disagreements on the prioritization of various needs to be addressed.
The other factor that maintains DID is the one which saved you early on. Our best understanding of DID is that in order to survive and function as you needed to, part of you couldn’t know about the traumas. Those traumatic experiences and memories were held separately by other alters. You simply couldn’t function as you needed to if you didn’t have a part that was free of that knowledge. Now, however, your circumstances are different, and you’ve grown up. So it seems like it can be possible to say, “Hey, would you share with me the memories that you all kept and I don’t know about?” And then they give you access to memories and voila. Right? Except just imagining that, what was your reaction? Was it to shrink away from the idea? Was it to avoid thinking about the memories and alters who hold those memories? I’m guessing it was.
That brings us to the second component that maintains DID: avoidance. In fact, the desire or need to avoid those memories and those alters containing the experiences is so strong it can be a phobia. Addressing the phobia– the avoidance– is a necessary part of recovery from DID. It’s not easy. And it can’t be rushed. The greater the avoidance, the more likely it is that you are experiencing chaos from lost time and uncontrolled switching where alters are doing things you later no memory of. Collaboration with others in your system is the opposite of avoidance. By assessing your system’s cooperation with each other, you can get an idea of the amount of avoidance that remains to be addressed for recovery.
One last thing. I want to be clear that I am not recommending or suggesting that you try to reduce avoidance by asking the trauma holding parts of your system to share their memories with you. Please do not do this. Will be time in your recovery learning about those memories will be appropriate. But it’s likely not now. And it’s definitely not a good idea to do it as a major memory dump. That would be overwhelming.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does “conflict” mean in a DID system?
In a DID or OSDD system, conflict refers to disagreements or tension between alters. One part might want to move forward in recovery, while another is terrified of change. Some may disagree on priorities—such as whether safety, daily functioning, or trauma processing should come first. This push-and-pull can create gridlock, leaving the system feeling stuck or unstable.
Why is avoidance so strong in DID?
Avoidance is deeply rooted in survival. As a child, you couldn’t have functioned if you had to carry the full weight of your trauma memories. Parts developed to hold those experiences apart from daily life. In adulthood, that same protective mechanism shows up as phobia—not only of the traumatic memories but often of the parts who carry them. While avoidance once kept you safe, it can now block healing.
Is conflict always bad in a DID system?
Conflict isn’t automatically harmful—it signals that different parts have unique needs and perspectives. For example, one alter may be focused on protecting the system, while another values openness in therapy. The presence of conflict shows that important concerns exist, and when handled with curiosity instead of fear, conflict can actually lead to greater cooperation.
Should I try to get trauma-holding parts to share their memories?
It may feel tempting to want to “get it over with” by asking trauma-holding parts to reveal everything, but this can overwhelm the system. Flooding yourself with traumatic memories before you have the tools to cope can increase instability. The safer approach is gradual, supported by grounding skills and a therapist who understands DID, so your system can handle memories in manageable pieces.
How do you reduce avoidance in DID recovery?
Avoidance softens over time as safety, trust, and cooperation grow. Gentle steps—like learning grounding skills, listening respectfully to protective parts, and building system communication—help reduce the phobia of trauma memories and trauma-holding alters. Working with a knowledgeable therapist ensures that when memories begin to surface, you’re prepared to handle them in ways that don’t overwhelm the system.