Why You Overreact and Feel Embarrassed Later
(Summary) Have you ever wondered why your emotions react before your thoughts catch up? For many survivors of complex childhood trauma, the brain’s danger system is on high alert. When sensory information comes in, it travels first to the thalamus, which sends one “package” to the amygdala (the emotional brain) and another to the prefrontal cortex (the thinking brain). But the emotional brain gets the signal faster—and if the amygdala is sensitized by trauma, it often triggers a red-alert response before rational thought can intervene. That’s why you may find yourself reacting strongly in the moment and only later, once the nervous system calms down, wondering why it felt so overwhelming.
Have you ever noticed that you tend to have an emotional reaction to many events or triggers and then later, sometimes much later, your thinking brain has a response? Why is this?
For people who experienced complex trauma in childhood, this is a common occurrence. In these people, the amygdala (the danger detector) is on a hair-trigger alert. It reacts to sensory information as being dangerous when the amygdala of someone who didn’t experience complex childhood trauma would not. But that’s not the full picture.
When the brain takes in sensory information, it goes to the thalamus first. The thalamus puts it together into a package and sends one package to the amygdala, which we can call the emotional brain, and another sensory package to the prefrontal cortex, what can also call the thinking brain. This is so both parts of the brain can examine the information and determine whether or not there is cause for alarm.
In people without the extra-sensitive amygdala, the thinking brain could conclude “this is nothing to worry about” and the emotional brain will be fine with this assessment. The problem arises because the information the thalamus sends has a much quicker route to the emotional brain than to the thinking brain. That means the emotional brain gets this information before the thinking brain. And the amygdala, overly alert to danger, does not take chances, so it screams “red alert!” and initiates a defense response before the thinking part of the brain even has a chance to weigh in.
You may recall that as our nervous system becomes more activated, our thinking brain has less ability to override the emotional brain. The more hyperaroused we become, the less our thinking brain is able to function, leaving the emotional brain in charge. Later, after your nervous system starts to calm down, your thinking brain is able to come back online. And that’s often when you may wonder why you reacted so strongly, or feel embarrassed that you over-reacted, and so on.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why does my emotional brain react before my thinking brain?
The pathway from the thalamus to the amygdala (emotional brain) is faster than the one to the prefrontal cortex (thinking brain). For trauma survivors, the amygdala is on high alert, so it often shouts “danger!” before the thinking brain has time to weigh in. This wiring is about survival, not weakness.
2. Does this mean I’m broken?
No. Your brain adapted to protect you in dangerous situations. The quick reactions that feel like “overreactions” now were once lifesaving. Understanding this can reduce shame—you’re not broken, you’re carrying a survival system that sometimes misfires in safe environments.
3. Why do I feel embarrassed after I calm down?
Once your nervous system settles and the prefrontal cortex comes back online, you can see the situation more clearly. It’s natural to feel regret or embarrassment. Remember, the strong reaction wasn’t a flaw—it was your survival brain doing its job. Compassion helps replace shame.
4. What can I do in the moment to help?
Focus on calming the body first, since the emotional brain leads the charge. Slow breathing, grounding exercises, or sensory anchors (like holding something cool or textured) can reduce hyperarousal. Once your nervous system steadies, your thinking brain can catch up.