Discounting the Positive Part 1
(Summary) Do you ever brush off a compliment by saying, “That doesn’t count,” or “They didn’t really mean it”? That’s called discounting the positive — a common thinking trap for trauma survivors and a survival strategy many DID and OSDD systems know well. In this video, we’ll look at why discounting the positive develops, how it once protected you, and why parts of your system may still use it today. By understanding where this pattern comes from, you can begin to see it with more compassion — and prepare for the next step: learning how to move beyond it.
Do you ever brush off a compliment by saying, “That doesn’t count,” or, “They didn’t really mean it”? That’s discounting the positive — and it’s one of the most common thinking traps for trauma survivors.
Discounting the positive means you find ways to talk down the value of a compliment or of something you’ve accomplished. You excuse it, minimize it, or explain it away.
Here are some common examples:
- They were just being polite.
- Anyone could have done that, so it’s not a big deal.
- Sure, I finished it, but it took me too long.
- That success doesn’t matter — it was too small.
- If they knew the real me, they wouldn’t say that.
These are just a few examples, but they all share the same theme: rejecting something positive as undeserved or unimportant.
If these sound familiar, you’ve realized you’re using a survival strategy almost every trauma survivor has used.
Sometimes, it’s not even you discounting the positive — it might be another member of your system. Things can get complicated quickly!
So why did you develop this kind of thinking? The short answer is: it protected you when you were younger. For instance, if you were praised or recognized for something positive, it might have angered a caretaker who then punished you. Or maybe people only said positive things when they wanted something from you. By minimizing the positive, you reduced how hurt you’d feel when the bad thing followed.
And when it’s other parts of your system discounting the positive, it’s very likely because they still believe it will keep you safe.
So if you’ve been discounting the positive, remember — it once kept you safe. In the next video, I’ll share how it may be keeping you stuck now, and what you can do about it.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does “discounting the positive” mean in trauma recovery?
Discounting the positive is a cognitive distortion where you downplay compliments, achievements, or good experiences. Instead of letting the positive land, you explain it away as luck, politeness, or meaningless. For trauma survivors, this pattern often develops as a survival strategy to avoid punishment, rejection, or disappointment.
Why do trauma survivors often discount the positive?
For many survivors, accepting good things in childhood wasn’t safe. Praise might have been followed by punishment, or compliments might have been manipulative. By minimizing the positive, survivors lowered their expectations and reduced the sting when something painful followed. This protective pattern often lingers into adulthood.
Can discounting the positive come from different parts of a DID/OSDD system?
Yes. Sometimes, it isn’t “you” who rejects the positive but another part of your system. Protector parts may dismiss compliments because they believe it keeps the system safe from disappointment, harm, or betrayal. Recognizing this can reduce shame and open the door to more compassionate internal dialogue.
What’s the cost of discounting the positive today?
While it once offered safety, discounting the positive now keeps survivors from building confidence, receiving support, and experiencing joy. Over time, it can reinforce low self-worth and make healing feel harder.
How can I start overcoming discounting the positive?
The first step is noticing when it happens. Then, try gently questioning the thought: “What if this good thing really is true?” or “What would it be like to accept this compliment for a moment?” Small experiments in receiving the positive help rewire the brain for safety and self-worth.