Although it might not seem like it at first glance, even when parts appear to want opposite things, they may have the same goal. The difference is often in how to accomplish the goal, rather than the goal itself. For example, if part of the system wants to see a therapist, other parts of the system may be against that. In both cases, parts want to make the system safer. One group believes they can do this by working with a therapist to heal; the other group believes avoiding a therapist is the way to be safer. The first step, then, might be assuming that everyone wants what they believe is best for the system.
The next step I’d recommend is this: get curious. What are the parts who want opposite things trying to do? Why are they wanting what they want? They are likely to be more willing to listen to you and your ideas when you have listened to and respected theirs.
Once you know what the intent of their position is, you can begin to look for ways to compromise that will allow both sides to get some of what they want.
This page is part of the Why Slowing Down Can Help Trauma Healing Move Forward section of the CommuniDID site, which explains how respecting limits, pacing emotional work, and reducing demand can protect long-term healing capacity.
Explore more:
- Questions about Stabilizing and Slowing Down to Heal Trauma
- Increasing predictability can help reduce strain on a dissociative system. You can explore simple ways to build predictability here: Creating Predictability for Your Dissociative System.
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