No, self-kindness or self-compassion does not have to feel warm, soft, gentle, or comforting. Self-kindness can feel neutral. Instead of soft or warm, it can be firm, practical, or protective. Kindness can feel awkward, fake, uncomfortable, embarrassing, or even threatening at first to those who are used to treating themselves harshly. It doesn’t have to feel warm or even believable for it to be helpful.
Sometimes, self-kindness can even look firm, such as reminding yourself that practicing a coping skill now will help it be more useful when it is needed.
Some examples of self-kindness statements are:
- “This is hard right now.”
- “We do not have to do everything today.”
- “It makes sense that we are struggling.”
- “I am doing the best I can with what I have right now.”
- “I do not have to treat myself the way other people treated me.”
This page is part of the Understanding the Trauma Healing Process section of the CommuniDID site, which explains why recovery can feel slow, confusing, or discouraging and why experiences like grief, exhaustion, and resistance are common during the healing process.
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