If you’ve been working on healing from trauma—especially if you’re exploring DID or parts work—you’ve probably asked yourself at some point:
Can I trust my memories?
It’s a painful question. And an incredibly common one.
Sometimes, different parts of your system may have different memories of the same event. One part may hold an intense emotional memory, while another insists, “That didn’t happen.” This can be deeply confusing—and frightening.
And if you’re in therapy, you may find yourself wanting your therapist to tell you what’s real. To say, “Yes, that happened.” But here’s the hard part: they can’t. They weren’t there. They don’t have the full picture either.
But that doesn’t mean you’re left with nothing.
What I can tell you—as a therapist and as someone who’s worked with many brave systems—is this:
IF MEMORY IS AFFECTING YOU, IT MATTERS.
Even if you don’t know whether it’s “true” in every factual detail, it’s real in its impact. It’s real in how it shows up in your body, in your emotions, in your nervous system. That’s enough.
And remember: memory isn’t just visual.
Your trauma may be remembered in emotion, in sensation, in reaction. Maybe you hear a sound or smell something familiar and suddenly feel like you’re back there.
These are called implicit memories. And while they may not give you the whole story in words or pictures, they’re powerful—and they often carry the emotional truth of your experiences. But because you have nothing concrete to point to with memories like these, you may question them. Or you may question yourself and feel like you might be crazy.
When different parts of you remember things differently—or when you question whether something really happened—try to shift the question. Instead of “Was this real?”, try asking,
“How is this affecting me now?”
Because whether or not you ever get full clarity, you can heal the effects. You can work with the parts of you that are hurting.
Your healing doesn’t depend on courtroom-level evidence.
It depends on compassion, curiosity, and the willingness to work with what shows up inside you.
You don’t need perfect memory to begin healing.
You only need to start where you are—and that’s more than enough.