Permission Slips
(Summary) If you live with DID or complex trauma, you may feel like you’re not allowed to rest, say no, or even have certain feelings. These internal “trauma rules” often start as survival strategies in childhood, when stopping or asking for help wasn’t safe. But today, they can leave you stuck in exhaustion, shame, or self-blame. One gentle tool to begin loosening those rules is writing permission slips. A permission slip is a simple statement that gives you the option to rest, to feel, or to move at your own pace without judgment. In this post, you’ll learn how permission slips work, why they’re powerful, and how to create your own.
Have you ever felt like you’re not allowed to rest? Or like you have to push through, no matter how overwhelmed or exhausted you feel? Maybe it feels like resting makes you lazy—or like you’re failing somehow. If you live with DID or complex trauma, this kind of thinking is really common. It often comes from old survival patterns—internal rules we developed to stay safe.
Many systems live by invisible rules like:
• “I have to keep going.”
• “I’m not allowed to need help.”
• “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
• “I don’t deserve to rest or be cared for.”
They’re trauma rules—internal messages that likely helped you survive at some point. Rules like these often start when we’re young and powerless, in situations where stopping or saying no wasn’t safe.
But here’s the thing:
Those rules can still feel just as powerful today—even when they aren’t keeping you safe anymore. This matters. When those rules take over, you may find yourself stuck:
• Exhausted but unable to rest.
• Needing help but unable to ask.
• Feeling like you’re “bad” just for having feelings.
Permission slips are a simple but powerful way to start softening those old trauma rules. They’re not about forcing yourself to instantly change. Instead, they’re a safe, low-pressure way to offer yourself something many systems rarely get: Choice.
A permission slip is just a short, written statement where you allow yourself to:
• Rest.
• Say no.
• Feel something—or nothing.
You don’t have to fully believe it right away. You aren’t trying to magically fix anything or apply toxic positivity. You’re simply offering yourself the option to step outside those old rules.
Now, let’s walk through exactly how to write a permission slip for yourself.
Step 1: Identify Where You Feel Stuck
Notice where you’re feeling guilty or trapped right now. Or, you might think of an old, familiar rule from the past—something you tell yourself often, that feels limiting or heavy, and that you’d like to loosen or shift. It might be about resting, saying no, taking a break from inner work, or even feeling numb.
Step 2: Write the Permission Slip
Write a short sentence offering yourself permission.
Here are some easy starters:
• “It’s okay for me to…”
• “I give myself permission to…”
• “I’m allowed to…”
Then finish it honestly based on what you need. You don’t need to justify this to anyone. You are
giving yourself the gift of choice.
Step 3: Keep It Somewhere Safe
You can leave it visible, fold it away somewhere private, or simply write it and let it be. Here are some permission slip examples you can try:
• “It’s okay for me to rest, even if others are doing more.”
• “I give myself permission to take a break from inner work.”
• “I’m allowed to feel numb without judging myself.”
• “It’s okay for me to say no to things that feel unsafe.”
• “I have permission to move at my own pace.”
Important Reminder:
You might feel awkward or unsure about this—and that’s completely okay.
You don’t have to fully believe it for it to help.
The goal isn’t instant change. It’s practicing offering yourself choice—without shame.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I don’t believe my permission slip?
That’s okay. You don’t have to fully believe it for it to help. Even writing the words begins to loosen old trauma rules and offer your system new possibilities.
How often should I write permission slips?
There’s no right schedule. Some people write one each morning, others only when they feel stuck. Think of them as flexible experiments you can use whenever you need more choice.
Can I reuse the same permission slip?
Yes. If you find a permission that really helps, you can return to it as often as you want. Repetition can actually help parts of your system begin to trust the new message.
What if permission slips make me feel guilty?
That’s common. Many survivors were taught internal rules like “I must keep going” or “I’m not allowed to rest.” Permission slips push gently against those rules, which can stir up guilt. Try to see guilt as a sign that you’re challenging old survival patterns — not proof you’re doing something wrong.
Do permission slips really make a difference?
They can. Even small, temporary permissions create moments of relief and choice. Over time, these moments build self-compassion and show your system it’s safe to try new ways of being.