Helping Your System Cope with Holiday Family Gatherings
(Summary) Holiday gatherings can be especially challenging for people with DID or OSDD. While you as the adult may feel prepared, your trauma-holding parts may react strongly to family triggers. This video offers practical strategies to prepare your system—like giving advance warning, reminding young parts that the body is now an adult, and helping them retreat to safe inner spaces. With these tools, you can reduce overwhelm, increase safety, and handle family visits with more confidence.
You may be attending a holiday family gathering where you know you will be exposed to certain trauma triggers. Perhaps YOU are fine attending the family gathering, but it’s likely that others within your system are not. In particular, your trauma-holding parts or alters who are stuck in trauma time will likely be very upset at the idea of joining the family gathering. So what can you do? Here are a few quick tips:
First, warn your system in advance. Yes, this may make the system unsettled, but giving advance warning is better than your trauma-holding parts suddenly being faced by triggering family members. Also tell all your system members that you have a plan for handling the visit which you are sharing with them.
Next, remind your trauma-holding parts, who are typically young parts, that the body is an adult now and is much better able to defend itself. Invite them to look at the body in the mirror. Or show them a mental image of your adult body.
Then let the young parts distressed about visiting family know that THEY will not have to interact with family because family will not see them. When other people look at you, they see the adult body, not the young, scared parts. Help the young parts to understand that they share the adult body and no one on the outside will ever again be able to hurt their smaller bodies.
The idea that they share an adult body and that no one will see their younger body may be news to your trauma-holding parts if you haven’t already been working on this. Because of this, your young and truma-holding parts may struggle to believe it and this may not provide much reassurance to them. So we have one more step.
The last step of the plan is to make sure all the young and trauma-holding parts know they do not have to be present for the visit. Tell them that if they prefer, they can go inside to a safe place where they can avoid the visit entirely. They can leave it up to you, the adult, to handle the visit and any potential conflict or other issues that they worry about happening.
Good luck with your holiday family visits. Drop a comment if these suggestions were helpful to you!
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I prepare my system for family gatherings?
Give your parts advance notice so the event doesn’t come as a shock. Explain the plan for handling triggers, which helps build trust and reduces surprise stress.
Why do trauma-holding parts react so strongly to family visits?
These parts are often stuck in trauma-time, still believing they are children in danger. Being around family members connected to past trauma can trigger intense fear, even if you as the adult feel safe.
How can I reassure young parts before a triggering visit?
Remind them that the body is now an adult and can defend itself. Showing them the adult body in the mirror or visualizing it can help. Emphasize that others only see the adult body, not the younger, vulnerable selves.
Do all parts have to attend a family gathering?
No. Young or trauma-holding parts can be invited to stay inside in a safe place while the adult part handles the visit. This helps them avoid distress while still knowing the system is protected.
What if my parts don’t believe they’re safe in an adult body?
It’s normal for young parts to struggle with this idea. Reassurance takes time and repetition. Continue gently reminding them of their safety, offering choices, and respecting their pace in accepting the present.