When you have DID or OSDD, healing from complex trauma can sometimes feel impossible because there are so many aspects of the healing process involved. Dissociative systems developed to meet particular needs and are carefully balanced. When one part of the system is changed, it can create ripple effects throughout the system. The balance is temporarily disturbed. This can lead to blowback from other parts of the system and this may appear to be a worsening of your situation as a result of trying to heal. It makes sense that healing could begin to feel impossible. In many cases, when a change disrupts the balance within the system, it is temporary. A new equilibrium becomes established if you can ride out the disturbance.
Another factor is that while the goal often remains quite clear, it can be easy to forget exactly where you started. Your current situation may represent significant progress from where you started, but it might also feel like your normal. When you can’t fully appreciate the results your efforts have created so far, it can lead you to feel like your efforts will never accomplish much.
This page is part of the Why Healing Can Feel So Hard section of the CommuniDID site, which explains why these experiences are common, including the role of protective parts, internal conflict, safety-based concerns, and external constraints.
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