Feeling attached to someone who harmed you is a common response, especially when the harm occurred within an important relationship. When your safety, care, or stability depended on that person, your system learned to stay connected to them, even if the relationship was also painful or unsafe.
Attachment does not automatically turn off when harm occurs. In fact, moments of care, relief, or connection within a harmful relationship can strengthen the bond, making it more difficult to separate from.
Over time, this can create mixed or conflicting feelings, such as longing, loyalty, anger, or confusion. In dissociative systems, different parts may hold different aspects of that attachment.
These responses are not a sign that you wanted the harm. They reflect how your system adapted to maintain connection in a complex relationship.
This page is part of the Attachment Trauma Dynamics section of the CommuniDID site, which explains why survivors may still love, protect, or feel responsible for people who harmed them.
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