Healing After Trauma: Testing the Rules That Once Kept You Safe
(Summary) Trauma often teaches invisible rules — ways of thinking or behaving that once protected you but now keep you small. “Don’t rest.” “Don’t make mistakes.” “Don’t need anyone.” These old rules formed for survival, not for living. In this video, you’ll learn how to use gentle “opposite experiments” to test those rules safely and begin teaching your nervous system that the world is different now — and safer than it used to be.
Have you ever noticed how trauma teaches rules — rules that once kept you safe, but now just keep you small? Things like, “Don’t make mistakes.” “Don’t rest.” “Don’t ask for help.” They aren’t random. They were survival strategies that once helped you avoid danger.
One gentle way to begin changing those old rules is through something I call an opposite experiment. It’s exactly what it sounds like — doing a small, safe version of the opposite of what the old rule demands.
Maybe a part of you believes you must finish every task or take care of everyone else before you can rest. That part probably fears that if something is left undone, you’ll be punished or something bad will happen.
Here’s where an opposite experiment can help. Let that part know this will be tiny and safe — nothing that will upset anyone. The next time you’re tackling your to-do list, pause halfway through. Set a timer for five minutes and rest — maybe scroll your phone, stretch, or listen to music. Then notice: no one is angry. No one is punishing you.
Even though resting once meant danger, it’s okay now.
That’s the goal of opposite experiments. You’re not trying to break every rule — just to gently test whether they’re still needed. You pick a small, safe situation and say, “Let’s see what happens if I don’t follow that old rule — just once.”
Each small experiment builds proof that safety can exist now. And over time, those tiny cracks in the old rules let light — and healing — in.
And remember, some experiments may need to be repeated several times before your system truly believes the new evidence of safety. You’re helping your nervous system relearn — gently, over time — that the world isn’t as dangerous now as it used to be.
If this idea resonates, I’ve created a worksheet to help you choose your own gentle opposite experiments.
Click here to get the worksheet.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are “trauma rules”?
They’re the unspoken rules your nervous system created to stay safe—things like “Don’t make noise,” “Don’t relax,” or “Don’t need anyone.” They made sense once, when breaking them meant danger. But as life changes, those rules often outlive their usefulness.
Why is it so hard to break old trauma rules?
Because your body still links safety to obedience. Even tiny acts of rule-breaking can trigger fear or guilt. That doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means your nervous system is still wired for survival. Change needs to feel gradual and safe.
What exactly is an “opposite experiment”?
It’s a small, planned, low-risk way to test whether an old rule is still needed. You do the safe opposite of what the rule demands—just once—and then notice what happens. It’s not rebellion; it’s data gathering for your nervous system.
How small should the experiment be?
Tiny. The smaller, the safer. If “Don’t rest” is your rule, maybe sit down for one minute before finishing chores. If “Don’t make mistakes” is your rule, intentionally mis-capitalize one word in a text. Small is powerful because it teaches safety without overwhelming the system.
What if doing the opposite feels too scary?
Then shrink it further or just imagine doing it. Visualization still gives your brain new information. The goal isn’t to prove bravery—it’s to help your system learn safety at a tolerable pace.
Why do opposite experiments work?
They create new experiences that gently contradict old fear patterns. Each time nothing bad happens, your nervous system updates its map: “Maybe I can rest and still be safe.” Repetition turns new information into new wiring.
What if parts inside me resist the experiment?
That’s normal. Ask what the rule protected them from. Often, they’ll tell you exactly what danger they’re trying to prevent. Thank them, adjust the experiment, and remind them you’re testing—not forcing—something new.
How do I know when a rule is ready to change?
When curiosity appears alongside fear. If a part starts wondering, “What if this rule isn’t always true?”—that’s the perfect time to try a very small, gentle opposite experiment.