Are You Accidentally Sabotaging System Communication?

(Summary) Respect is the foundation of system communication. In this video, we walk through the “do nots” that can quietly sabotage cooperation in DID and OSDD systems. From judging or dismissing parts, to ignoring protectors, to pushing for trauma details too soon — these habits damage trust and block healing. You’ll learn why respecting every part, no matter how confusing they seem, is essential for safety and productive communication.

To have productive communication within your system there are some things that should be done and others which shouldn’t be. We’re gonna look at the do not items.

Do not demonize or judge other system members. That is, there are no bad guys in the system. Even if it might seem like it right now.

Do not view other system members as nuisances getting in the way of other real work. Example, some parts might view a crying child part to be a nuisance and want them to This attitude will ultimately get in the way of healing.
Do not tell other parts to go away. Do not argue over who is the real person. It’s not uncommon for the for an everyday life part early in the healing process to want all the other parts to just go away. And let them have their life back. In these situations, the everyday life parts often feel like they are more real and valid than the other parts. Clearly, this attitude can get in the way of communication. If someone tells you to shut up or go away, you aren’t likely going to be terribly interested in communicating let alone cooperating with them.
Do not insult other members of your system. This includes name calling. Do not devalue other system members’ contributions. It is not always obvious how some parts are trying to help. You might think that a child part who only wants to play can’t be contributing to the system and therefore think they are of little value to the overall system. It can be hard, but try to keep an open mind about other parts of your system. Remind yourself that every part exists for an important reason, and you simply don’t understand that part’s reason or role yet.
Do not ask about another alter’s traumas. Your trauma trauma memories, or about any secrets they may be carrying. There may be a time and a place for that later in your healing journey. But that time is not now. You are working on making communication happen. Likewise, do not talk about topics which might be triggering, at least no without a warning to others who might want to remove themselves from the discussion.
Do not ignore other system members when you’re aware of their attempts to communicate. Ignoring other parts does not help and actually makes it more likely that they will act up an attempt to finally be heard and to finally get some attention.
And lastly, do not ignore warnings or objections of protector parts or gatekeeper. If they indicate that a particular topic should not be pursued at that time, respect this. Do not keep pushing forward.

All of these “do nots” can be captured by a simple word: respect. Treat other system members with respect. Just as you don’t like to be disrespected, neither do any of the others. Some parts might be accustomed to being disrespected, but this doesn’t mean they want to be treated that way, just that they have been. Respect is one thing that sets you apart from the abusers in your life. If you treat other members of your system, the way your abuser did, then you are continuing to do the abuser’s work for them.
Following the do nots creates some basic safety for all parts. Many of your parts know how it feels to be unsafe. Some parts feel unsafe in the system at this very moment. Perhaps because of some of the do nots, that have been occurring in your system. Such as insulting parts or telling parts to go away. Safety is a key foundational requirement for healing.